Every school year moms have cookie cutter thoughts. How to make sure their children do their homework. How to make sure they are involved in outside activities. We think about schedules, how to give equal time to the one child who is the announcer for varsity football games and the other child who is running varsity cross country. We think about school clothes and new sneakers and notebooks and pencils. We memorize locker combos just in case we get a frantic text in the middle of the day from a child who can’t remember it. We arrange our time so we can drop off our kids at school and still get there to pick them up, and if we can’t do that, we arrange carpooling. We worry about the just-barely-passing grades from the year before and what that might mean for this year. These are the thoughts that take up residence in the minds of mothers the last two weeks of every August. Each year it is the same. Right?
Not so fast! This year, I am experiencing new and uncharted thoughts. It feels uncomfortable and frankly a little scary as often the unknown is known to do. You see, it’s Aidan’s junior year. Junior year! It’s a big one. It’s the threshold of independence, the table setter, if you will. So along with all the thoughts you read above I am also thinking about college visits and applications and SATs and prom and girlfriends and driver’s licenses. I am thinking about holding on and letting go, about time running out on the influence I may have over him. This year, this junior year, feels like no other school year.
Pythagoras once said that “Choices are the hinges of destiny,” and I think that sentiment is what is weighing so heavily on my thoughts when it comes to Aidan. His future really truly relies on the choices made this school year. Some choices are out of my control. For instance, the effort Aidan puts in to his school work, the grades he get, those things are in Aidan’s hands. He’s been blessed with a quick mind, but doesn’t always use it. It doesn’t seem to concern him at all. But as all mothers of teens know, the grades, the final average is the all powerful decider when it comes to possible colleges. Work-ethic-choices affect Aidan’s destiny.
That brings us to college choice itself. I had always been a firm believer that as a parent it was my job to provide my children with a chance to visit all different colleges with the understanding that the final say was theirs. But in talking with friends of mine whose children have gone through this process, I am finding out that that choice is really limited by how much financial aid the family will receive. After all, we do have to pay for it somehow. Financial decisions affect Aidan’s destiny.
There are other choices to ponder of course. For instance, there is a multitude of questions that surround college entrance exams. Which ones does he take? How many times does he take them? Is it true, as some have told me, that the more times he takes the exams the less impressed colleges are? College-entrance-exams-choices affect Aidan’s destiny.
It isn’t ALL about colleges either. As a mom I worry about the new found freedom-choices of a licensed teen with money in his pocket. My mind consistently ruminates over the tragedies that seem infinite in which adolescents are distracted by friends, or alcohol or drugs or a combination of all three, and a car accident leaves them maimed, in trouble with the law, or…gulp…..dead. A mom can only hope that DARE lessons and sex education, and especially her incessant lectures, talks, concrete examples about being responsible rings in her son’s ears as he drives away to exciting destinations with friends or his girl. Freedom-choices affect Aidan’s destiny.
For the sake of not feeling so bleak and in order to practice a new skill I am working on (that could benefit all moms with as loud a worry-voice as I have…) I will “reframe” the “junior-year dilemma” by mentioning other choices equally as important. When thinking about Aidan and his grades, although it is up to him to choose whether or not that is important, he has two teachers with whom he lives that will be sure to help him with that in any way that he wishes, and he knows that. Although we are not financially independent, Aidan’s mother and step-father will explore all the many options to pay for college. As far as college-entrance exams go Aidan can choose to rely on the expert advice of his guidance counselors and good friends of his parents who work in the college world or have had children go through the process. Lastly, this mom can relax knowing that when Aidan makes those freedom-choices he will make those with two feet firmly planted on a foundation of solid earnest parenting that will help to keep him steady. Positive-parental-choices affect Aidan’s hinges of destiny. Hopefully his will swing easily and the door to his future will be wide open!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Logan has lived in Glens Falls, NY all her life. By day, she is an educator with 20 years experience, a mom to Aidan and Gannan, her two teenage boys, a new mommy to a beautiful daughter, Ila, and wife to the love of her life, Jeffrey. By night, weekends and any spare time she can find, Logan writes. She loves memoir and also adores writing essays about the challenges of parenthood. This year she started a parenting blog called A Muddled Mother, an honest place where mothers aren’t afraid to speak of the complications and difficulties that we all inevitably experience. Logan has been published in various children’s and parenting magazines including Today’s Motherhood, Eye on Education, Faces, and Appleseed.