On Thursday we embark on our first trip to visit colleges with our 17 year old, Aidan. We’ll travel to Boston to check out BU, Emerson and Salem State University. By now you know that I am a tad bit (just a tad) on the high strung side. (My children are rolling their eyes at the word “tad” I am sure.) Therefore, I bet that you think since I have that tendency to be just a wee bit anxious, that I am mourning the end of my son’s childhood. Knowing me I am probably lamenting Aidan’s absence even a year before he leaves. I am sure that there is a consensus out there that I have already built a shrine that I will bring alms to on a daily basis to ward off the evil that may befall my first born while he is away.
Normally, I’d agree with you. I will admit that I expected this monumental moment—finding a new “home” for my oldest—to be a three-box-of-tissues sort of occasion. And I tried. I really tried. While looking at Boston University’s website, I sighed and sighed wistfully. After making a tour appointment at Emerson I slumped in my favorite chair ready to feel sorry for myself and how “old” I must be since I would soon have an offspring that would be a college student. But…but…I am just not feeling it. In fact, there is excitement in the air. Now stop…I know what you are thinking…who IS this woman that is pretending to write Logan’s column this week. It is me. Really it is.
I know it is surprising, but right now there is just no sense of sadness. I am ready. I am ready. (Right now) I have this sense of peace and a sort of awakened anticipation. I am ready. Ready to see where he will go. Ready to see what he will do. Ready to see who he will become.
Perhaps it is because I have a toddler at home who will help keep me busy. Perhaps it is because of the colossal changes that this household has been through in the last year. Perhaps it is that I am getting wiser in my old age…(okay that one might be a stretch!) More likely, it is the fact over the past few months, I have seen glimmers…slivers…a tad bit of a change in Aidan too. Never mind the fact that physically he has morphed into this gargantuan manly man. It is the decisions he’s been making, the dulling of his hormonal sharp edges, and his excitement and participation in the college planning process that makes me realize…he is ready. Ready to see where he will go. Ready to see what he will do. Ready to see who he will become. HE is ready!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Logan has lived in Glens Falls, NY all her life. By day, she is an educator with 20 years experience, a mom to Aidan and Gannan, her two teenage boys, a new mommy to a beautiful daughter, Ila, and wife to the love of her life, Jeffrey. By night, weekends and any spare time she can find, Logan writes. She loves memoir and also adores writing essays about the challenges of parenthood. This year she started a parenting blog called A Muddled Mother, an honest place where mothers aren’t afraid to speak of the complications and difficulties that we all inevitably experience. Logan has been published in various children’s and parenting magazines including Today’s Motherhood, Eye on Education, Faces, and Appleseed.