Choices Are The Hinges of Destiny


Every school year moms have cookie cutter thoughts. How to make sure their children do their homework. How to make sure they are involved in outside activities. We think about schedules, how to give equal time to the one child who is the announcer for varsity football games and the other child who is running varsity cross country. We think about school clothes and new sneakers and notebooks and pencils. We memorize locker combos just in case we get a frantic text in the middle of the day from a child who can’t remember it. We arrange our time so we can drop off our kids at school and still get there to pick them up, and if we can’t do that, we arrange carpooling. We worry about the just-barely-passing grades from the year before and what that might mean for this year. These are the thoughts that take up residence in the minds of mothers the last two weeks of every August. Each year it is the same. Right?

Not so fast! This year, I am experiencing new and uncharted thoughts. It feels uncomfortable and frankly a little scary as often the unknown is known to do. You see, it’s Aidan’s junior year. Junior year! It’s a big one. It’s the threshold of independence, the table setter, if you will. So along with all the thoughts you read above I am also thinking about college visits and applications and SATs and prom and girlfriends and driver’s licenses. I am thinking about holding on and letting go, about time running out on the influence I may have over him. This year, this junior year, feels like no other school year.

Pythagoras once said that “Choices are the hinges of destiny,” and I think that sentiment is what is weighing so heavily on my thoughts when it comes to Aidan. His future really truly relies on the choices made this school year. Some choices are out of my control. For instance, the effort Aidan puts in to his school work, the grades he get, those things are in Aidan’s hands. He’s been blessed with a quick mind, but doesn’t always use it. It doesn’t seem to concern him at all. But as all mothers of teens know, the grades, the final average is the all powerful decider when it comes to possible colleges. Work-ethic-choices affect Aidan’s destiny.

That brings us to college choice itself. I had always been a firm believer that as a parent it was my job to provide my children with a chance to visit all different colleges with the understanding that the final say was theirs. But in talking with friends of mine whose children have gone through this process, I am finding out that that choice is really limited by how much financial aid the family will receive. After all, we do have to pay for it somehow. Financial decisions affect Aidan’s destiny.

There are other choices to ponder of course. For instance, there is a multitude of questions that surround college entrance exams. Which ones does he take? How many times does he take them? Is it true, as some have told me, that the more times he takes the exams the less impressed colleges are? College-entrance-exams-choices affect Aidan’s destiny.

It isn’t ALL about colleges either. As a mom I worry about the new found freedom-choices of a licensed teen with money in his pocket. My mind consistently ruminates over the tragedies that seem infinite in which adolescents are distracted by friends, or alcohol or drugs or a combination of all three, and a car accident leaves them maimed, in trouble with the law, or…gulp…..dead. A mom can only hope that DARE lessons and sex education, and especially her incessant lectures, talks, concrete examples about being responsible rings in her son’s ears as he drives away to exciting destinations with friends or his girl. Freedom-choices affect Aidan’s destiny.

For the sake of not feeling so bleak and in order to practice a new skill I am working on (that could benefit all moms with as loud a worry-voice as I have…) I will “reframe” the “junior-year dilemma” by mentioning other choices equally as important. When thinking about Aidan and his grades, although it is up to him to choose whether or not that is important, he has two teachers with whom he lives that will be sure to help him with that in any way that he wishes, and he knows that. Although we are not financially independent, Aidan’s mother and step-father will explore all the many options to pay for college. As far as college-entrance exams go Aidan can choose to rely on the expert advice of his guidance counselors and good friends of his parents who work in the college world or have had children go through the process. Lastly, this mom can relax knowing that when Aidan makes those freedom-choices he will make those with two feet firmly planted on a foundation of solid earnest parenting that will help to keep him steady. Positive-parental-choices affect Aidan’s hinges of destiny. Hopefully his will swing easily and the door to his future will be wide open!

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Logan Fisher

Logan has lived in Glens Falls, NY all her life. By day, she is an educator with 20 years experience, a mom to Aidan and Gannan, her two teenage boys, a new mommy to a beautiful daughter, Ila, and wife to the love of her life, Jeffrey. By night, weekends and any spare time she can find, Logan writes. She loves memoir and also adores writing essays about the challenges of parenthood. This year she started a parenting blog called A Muddled Mother, an honest place where mothers aren’t afraid to speak of the complications and difficulties that we all inevitably experience. Logan has been published in various children’s and parenting magazines including Today’s Motherhood, Eye on Education, Faces, and Appleseed.

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  • Crisis in the Kindergarten: Why Children Need to Play in School

    Testing of Kindergartners Is Out of Control, Says Children’s Advocacy Group in New Report

    Photo credit: (ccl) Woodley Wonderworks

    Photo credit: (ccl) Woodley Wonderworks

    Studies show standardized tests and test prep are now daily activities in many kindergartens. Why? Molly Holloway, a mother of twin kindergartners in Bowie, Maryland, can’t understand why her children must take standardized tests every month in math, reading, social studies, and science.

    “One of the teachers has told me that the kindergarten curriculum is what used to be the first-grade curriculum,” Holloway wrote. “What evidence do we have that this pushing is beneficial? While some children can handle the pressure, others cannot. One of my daughters struggles to keep up and hates school.”¹

    A mother in Illinois writes, “In order to prepare kids ahead of time for the state tests, hard core curriculum must start in kindergarten. Our kids are not actually getting smarter. The scores are not increasing. And the rates of children with anxiety issues are increasing rapidly.”²

    Recent studies in New York City and Los Angeles confirm what these and other parents have observed: standardized testing and test prep have become daily activities in many public kindergartens. Teachers say they are under pressure to get children ready for the third-grade tests. The 254 teachers surveyed in the studies said they spent an average of 20 to 30 minutes per day in test-related activity.

    The findings are documented in a new report, Crisis in the Kindergarten: Why Children Need to Play in School (pdf), released on March 20, 2009 by the nonprofit Alliance for Childhood. The authors, Edward Miller and Joan Almon, say that kindergarten testing is “out of control.” (Available is an 8-page summary of the report (pdf), including recommendations for action)

    High-stakes testing and test preparation in kindergarten are proliferating, as schools increasingly are required to make decisions on promotion, retention, and placement in gifted programs or special education classes on the basis of test scores. In New York City, for example, kindergarten children take a standardized I.Q. test to determine whether they qualify for “gifted and talented” classes. The city is also implementing a plan to test kindergarten, first-, and second-grade children as part of schools’ performance evaluations. The test scores are used to assign letter grades, A to F, to all of the city’s public schools. The grades are then used to determine rewards and punishments, including cash bonuses for teachers and principals and whether principals will be fired and schools shut down.

    “Rigid testing policies do not make sense in early childhood education,” states the Alliance for Childhood report. “Standardized testing of children under age eight, when used to make significant decisions about the child’s education, is in direct conflict with the professional standards of every educational testing organization.”

    Young children are notoriously unreliable test takers. They can do well one day and poorly on the same test on another day.

    “A major problem with kindergarten tests is that relatively few meet acceptable standards of reliability and validity,” says the National Association for the Education of Young Children. “The probability of a child being misplaced is fifty percent—the same odds as flipping a coin. … Flawed results lead to flawed decisions, wasted tax dollars, and misdiagnosed children.”

    The National Association of School Psychologists agrees, saying that “evidence from research and practice in early childhood assessment indicates that issues of technical adequacy are more difficult to address with young children who have little test-taking experience, short attention spans, and whose development is rapid and variable.”

    It’s not just parents who are up in arms over the tests for tots. Anthony Colannino, a Waltham, Massachusetts elementary school principal, is upset that his kindergartners are now required to take fill-in-the-right-bubble tests. “Now we’re all the way down to 5- and 6-year-olds taking a pencil and paper test,” he told his local newspaper. “My students and others across the state are being judged on reading material above their grade level.”³

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    HFVS Back to School Episode (Radio Show/Podcast)

    Listen to Podcast:

    Back to School Episode

    Saturday from 9-10am
    August 20th, 2008
    WXOJ LP – 103.3 FM – Valley Free Radio
    Northampton, MA

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    • Imagination Movers – “First Day of School” [Juice Box Heroes]
    • Ernie & Neal – “Pre-School Punk” [Rock the House]
    • Milkshake – “School” [Bottle of Sunshine]
    • Adam and the Couch Potatoes – “Go to the Playground” [One Size Fits All]
    • Station Id: Princess Katie & Racer Steve []
    • Chuck Berry – “School Day” [His Best, Volume I]
    • Daddy A Go-Go – “School Bus Driver” [Rock of All Ages]
    • Rocknocerous – “School Bus” [Dark Side of the Moon Bounce]
    • Ernie & Neal – “Homework Blues” [Rock the House]
    • Tom Paxton – “What Did You Learn in School Today?” [Best of Tom Paxton]
    • Station Id: Steve Weeks []
    • Bill Harley – “The Teacher’s Lounge” [The Teacher’s Lounge]
    • Station Id: The Harmonica Pocket []
    • Barenaked Ladies – “Crazy ABCs” [Snacktime]
    • Little Monster Records – “ABC” [Soulville] Release
    • The Terrible Twos – “Consonants” [Jerzy the Giant] Release

    Back-to-School: Getting Out the Door

    Getting Out the Door

    For most families, back-to-school means a new schedule complete with homework, meetings, practices and new activities. Remembering everything that has to be ready to go each day can turn your mornings into a mad dash.

    It doesn’t have to be this way.

    With a little organization, you really can make this the year your family commits to making every morning a smooth one. Experiment with these tips, adapted from At-A-Glance and Stacy M. DeBroff’s The Mom Book (The Free Press, 2002), to find out which ones work best with your bunch:

    READ MORE: Getting Out the Door –

    Rainbow Report Card

    Does your child’s school make the grade?

    Family Pride offers a Rainbow Report Card, an interactive tool that generates custom recommendations for a family’s situation in schools.

    Encouraging our schools to be more inclusive each day makes a world of difference in the education of all children. The Rainbow Report Card is only the beginning of a series of projects Family Pride will launch aimed at empowering parents to make change in schools.

    Get started by clicking here.

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