Conversation Highlights: The Sunday Evening Edition, September 8, 2019

Hindsight Parenting: He’s Her Brother

He’s Her Brother

When my son graduated from college, it was a proud day for all except one; his 6 year old sister. Well, she MAY have been proud, but that isn’t the emotion that oozed from her pores that day and for several subsequent days. As with any little one, all thoughts of his graduation centered around her. How could HIS graduation in any way be about her you ask? Well here’s a quote: “Mama, I know that this is a proud day and all for my brother, but I am just so happy because this means that he’ll never leave me again!” And while both you and I know that nothing about that is even remotely true, we’ll let her have it, even if it is for just a little while.  Read the rest of this entry »

Parenting Possibilities: The Family Dinner Experience

Family Dinners: Joy or Indigestion?

The extensive research on the benefits of family dinners has seemed to define eating together as the make it or break it sign to raising healthy, well-adjusted children. I do agree that family meals have potential to be an opportunity to catch up on the day’s events and bond in the midst of our busy world. For years though, I have been challenged in my experience with family dinners and prefer to bond with my family in other ways. It is only recently that I have felt a shift.

When our boys were really little we would feed them early. After dinner some play, books and then bed. Next came much needed grown up relaxation time often complete with spicy food, red wine and uninterrupted conversation with my sweetheart. I thought this was the best of both worlds. As the boys grew though, things gradually changed. Baseball practices, homework, play dates and more pushed bedtime later. Eating after the kids went to bed was now too late. My partner loved the idea of having more family dinners and so I yielded to her wishes and committed to making it happen.

Often though, I have felt overwhelmed at the table. I always begin with the intention of being mindful and present with my loved ones but quickly slip into a state of constant negotiation. I become focused on moderating the noise level or making sure people take turns talking. I carefully watch for opportunities to teach and enforce appropriate manners. I commonly request slowing down the eating and remind boys to stay in seats…

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Parenting Possibilities: A Sibling’s Love

A Sibling’s Love

One day I quietly watched my children playing with each other and realized for the first time that they have their own unique form of communication. They have an instinctual knowledge of each other I had not previously been aware of. It is an understanding only a sibling can have, almost as if they can read each other’s minds.

At the moment when I noticed what I now call “brother speak” I began to reminisce about my own sibling and our bond as children. Being the younger of the two, my sister was always there. Her presence infused almost every moment I had in my life at home. It was different for her as she had 3 years enjoying all of my parents’ attention. She easily could have resented my arrival but my parents took a brilliant approach. One my partner and I did with our boys as well. My parents prepared my sister for my arrival by telling her I was a gift for her. That I was her baby too and her role as an older sister was very important.

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Supporting a Child’s Wonder of Nature

Raising Children: Love, Limits & Lessons

Do we keep it in a jar or let it go – Then Get to The Lupa Zoo

Instead of letting your child just keep a creature in a jar or demanding that they let it go right away, use it as a wonderful opportunity to examine the world around your child and help them begin to construct their opinions and feelings about nature. (Photo credit: Sienna Wildfield)

A parent wrote to me about an incident in which her preschool daughters caught a lizard in the backyard and her husband told them they could keep it in a jar. She told them it was nature and they had to let it go. The girls threw a tantrum and a meltdown ensued. Mom wanted to know who was right; she or her husband.

Aside from the fact that they were not setting a good example for the children of working as a team in supporting each other, they were also too focused on the lizard as an object. Instead, they could have used the capture of this lizard as an opportunity to teach the girls a little bit about our respect for nature, our partnership with the world around us, and an appreciation for different forms of life.

Instead of letting your child just keep a creature in a jar or demanding that they let it go right away, use it as a wonderful opportunity to examine the world around your child and help them begin to construct their opinions and feelings about nature. With summer now here, there is so much to show and teach your children about this incredible world in which we live. Match it with the powerful wonder going on in your child’s mind and you’ll allow them to get away from the computer, the television, and the DVDs long enough to learn more. You might actually have some incredible together-time moments that will build your relationship with your child.

(Photo credit: Sienna Wildfield)

To the mom asking this question, I suggest she allow them to keep it temporarily and then let it go. While holding it in a glass jar to be examined, take some digital pictures of it and allow the children to decide which ones are their favorites to keep. I had a brush with nature last year when a raccoon showed up at my backdoor one evening. I ran into this overly friendly little guy while bringing cat food out to feed a lonely stray cat and he didn’t seem to want to leave. I grabbed my digital camera and snapped a few pictures that became keepsakes to share with my grandchildren over and over.

Take the kids to the local library and research just exactly what it is they temporarily captured. Teach them how to learn about what it eats and the most favorable conditions for its habitat. Allow the children to decide where they’ll let the little creature go and allow them to participate in the release as much as possible. Once the little creature is released it doesn’t mean he’s gone and the experience is over, but instead, the creativity can now begin. Go back to those digital photos you saved and pull them into an art or photo computer program to modify. You can blow them up, print them out, or modify them with special effects to create some wonderful art projects. There are special programs for children that will allow for importing photos so the kids can color them or decorate them. If you don’t have software that will allow you to do that, pull the pictures up on the screen and allow your children to draw and color their own free-hand versions of pictures of the creature to name and share with family.

Having an incident like this might spark an interest in nature with your children. I suggest you check out the Lupa Zoo in Ludlow, MA. They have popular exhibits for kids and a family farm where children can get close up to different animals. I know that Henry and Joan Lupa would love to see your family over at 545 West Street. You can call them at 413-589-9883 or visit their Web site at www.lupazoo.org.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Bill Corbett

Bill is the author of the award-winning parenting book series, Love, Limits, & Lessons: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids (in English and in Spanish) and the executive producer and host of the public access television show Creating Cooperative Kids. He is a Western Mass native and grew up in the Northampton area. As a member of the American Psychological Association and the North American Society for Adlerian Psychology, Bill provides parent coaching and keynote presentations to parent and professional audiences across the country. He sits on the board of the Network Against Domestic Abuse, the Resource Advisory Committee for Attachment Parenting International, and the management team of the Springfield Parent Academy. Bill’s practical experience comes as a father of 3 grown children, a grandfather of two, and a stepdad to three, and resides in the area with his loving wife Elizabeth and teen step daughter Olivia.  You can learn more about Bill and his work at www.CooperativeKids.com.

Helping Older Siblings Adjust to New Baby Sister/Brother

Raising Children: Love, Limits & Lessons

Helping Big Brother/Sister Adjust

I was in one of those party supply stores the other day and I noticed these special buttons that can be worn by young children who are getting a new baby sister or brother. The buttons read, “I’m The Big Brother (or Sister).” I love these and recommend them often to parents who will be adding a new addition to the family. It’s so easy for adults to get lost in the commotion of the new baby and it’s easy for the older sibling to get lost in the new child’s shadow. To avoid having the first-born feeling replaced and resentful, do what the button says and help them feel special with the baby. Ask her to help you give the baby a bath, sing a song to sooth the infant, or allow him to help dress his new baby brother.

A child is constantly searching for their place in the family and when a new addition comes home, they can easily feel as if they’ve been dethroned and begin acting out in very challenging ways. Some parents have seen their older child reverting back to being a baby to try and regain her lost seat by suddenly acting helpless, crying more often, or wetting her pants. When parents take the time to help the child gain a newer position in the family, less challenging behaviors will follow. It’s also important to create “dates” with the older child away from the baby.

List of Weekly Suggested EventsHilltown Families list of Weekly Suggested Events offer some great tips for those dates to reconnect with your first born or older child.


ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Bill Corbett

Bill is the author of the award-winning parenting book series, Love, Limits, & Lessons: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Cooperative Kids (in English and in Spanish) and the executive producer and host of the public access television show Creating Cooperative Kids. He is a Western Mass native and grew up in the Northampton area. As a member of the American Psychological Association and the North American Society for Adlerian Psychology, Bill provides parent coaching and keynote presentations to parent and professional audiences across the country. He sits on the board of the Network Against Domestic Abuse, the Resource Advisory Committee for Attachment Parenting International, and the management team of the Springfield Parent Academy. Bill’s practical experience comes as a father of 3 grown children, a grandfather of two, and a stepdad to three, and resides in the area with his loving wife Elizabeth and teen step daughter Olivia.  You can learn more about Bill and his work at www.CooperativeKids.com.

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